Tito Take Two.

Transcript from BringJoy Episdoe 1 Season 2 -Tito Take Two

Yo how’s Tito?  Where’s Tito.  I get that pretty much everywhere I go.  Tito is my dog and how they know because he was the inspiration behind my first episode - How I got my heart broke by a dog I never met.  That’s still the most listened to episode and gets weekly downloads even though it was first released in April 2020 

Now for those listeners who haven’t heard episode one - hit pause and go listen.  I’ll be here when you get back. But if you insist on staying I’ll catch you up with the cliff notes version.

I stumbled on an article that over 670 thousand dogs are euthanized every year, so I decided I would adopt a shelter or rescue dog in 2020.   I’ve loved lots of dogs - but never had one of my own - they were always someone else's.  I figured the new year would be a good time to start the search. I filled out applications and waited for the call.

I experienced a couple of rejections before a serendipitous twist matched me with the perfect dog - Tito!  I share the lessons I learned along the way - another reason to go back and listen to the premiere episode.  

Many listeners said they wanted to hear more about Tito.  If they follow me on social media they get a little taste.  He is so photogenic he makes it to the wall at least once a week.  He makes me laugh every day - real laugh - you know the original LOL.  And that’s a good place to start this episode.

He farts a lot  - and farts are funny - I don’t care who you are.  not just silent ones either. Then he looks at me like - did you hear that - I’m like yeah and I smell it too.  And Every morning it’s the same thing, he stands nose to the door waiting to go out - but  he won’t step into his harness - no matter what i try he just tenses up- and goes all stiff legged on me - I have to lift his front legs to pull on the harness - it makes me laugh - I’m like dude really can you help me here - it’s the same thing every day - - this harness is your ticket out of here. 

Yep I have full conversations with him - and I know he understands me - 

and speaking of understanding ----he’s bilingual - I mean his name is Tito - and Tito is a spanish nickname --- so I speak to him in spanish tambien-  Ay mi Amore’.  Te quiero mucho mi vida. Tienen hombre’  

Google Translate! I suppose his name  could come from the popular Tito’s Vodka - but my sister even notices how he sits all regal like he’s guarding a princess in a spanish castle.  

We’re coming up on a year since we were matched.  There was no doubt from the minute we saw each other we were gonna be together but he took his time warming up and the lessons I’d be learning from Tito started right there.

He’d hid under the porch and wouldn’t come out - until he wanted to come out.  Then one night it was getting really late, and he wouldn’t come out for anything - pa nada - I was losing my patience but knew that kind of energy wasn’t going to help.  

So I decided to crawl under there and get him..  He was surprised to see me - and *like a scene from a sappy movie he kissed my cheek and laid his head on my knee…..Not really I added that for dramatic effects--Tito’s not much for sap though he can be dramatic. He just crawled out from under the porch and turned back to see if I was coming - by the time made it out he was waiting at the front door, I caught up to him, opened the door and HE lead the way - that’s when I knew he trusted me - cause that was the first time he went in first.

Every now and then he still finds his way under porch but not cause he’s hiding - cause it’s shady and it’s the best seat in the house to watch the sidewalk activity - it’s pretty quiet round the hood - but there are chickens, stray cats and the neighbor dogs to keep him amused between naps.

BringJoy listeners know we live in Key West - and if you know anything about Key West you know the chickens and iguanas run free- he hasn’t had an encounter with the nasty reptilian yet and he mostly ignores the chickens ---unless he’s running in the Pack with Charlie and Chaplin.  Those are two of his K9 cuzzies.  

When they are together he excerpts his most energy and his wild side comes out.  They run and  play and chase balls until their exhausted.  

Charlie is the leader of the pack - he’s a mix of  chow, lab and anatolian shepherd -that mix makes him the fastest and most athletic - I call him the Olympian - cause he could win the gold in sprints and high jumps.  Tito doesn’t lag far behind and is the strongest of the pack.  His legs are thick and strong - not sure where he comes from but seems like generations before might have climbed some mountains and dredged through the snow.  

He’ll muscle his way between the two brothers when they go at each other.  

See Chappy is his boy - Chappy is everybody boys actually - that’s why I call him the Mayor.   Chappy has some chihuahua and jack mix but hard to say - but it's the perfect blend of cute and charism. He has so much charisma - he greets the humans first and then dogs at the park like they are all there to see him.  Maybe that’s what Tito likes so much about Chappy - that’s he’s not shy.  See Tito he’s a little shy.  Kinda like -----me - until he gets to know you - then he is the life of the party.

His girl cousin Maybel is fancy -is a Tibetan Spaniel  she’s luxurious looking -and doesn’t pay much attention to him - She  doesn’t mind much if he comes over and will even share her toys - but she isn’t going to make a fuss over him.  Good for him to know and a reminder for me - not everybody gonna be crazy about you.

He has two girl cousins named Bella.  He loves lil B a lot. She is a blue tick beagle that knows how to climb over and under things - usually to escape to see what’s beyond the borders - which intrigues Tito - 

He hasn’t met Bella from the country.  She is a huggable mix of collie and pointer.  His cuz Dakota the chocolate lab/pitt mix lives in the country too.  They’d all get along great - taking loooong naps in the sun.  

He’s heard the legendary stories of Maddie the Maddog how she fell in the cistern and was missing for days - how she was small and mighty, true to the Jack Russell bread.  I told him there was a dog named Quincy that looked just like him.  He’s heard all about King -the min pin chihuahua mix - though they never met , he knows King was a gentle soul who made way for Princessa Lola Bell Falona Wells - Nulisch aka shorty!

Tito met Lola a while back.  See Lola is the apple of my eye - a 10lb chihuahua weiner dog mix.  I got her name tattooed on my leg with a Blue heart to seal the deal.   See Lola was my dog from a previous relationship - for 9 years we were foot to foot .  The human relationship didn’t work out - and it was best for Lola to stay with her mom.  It took time for the dust to settle - but now when things line up - we will run into each other and be nice.  I get to spend time hugging and kissing on Lola and Tito follows my lead.  It’s quite chill really - letting go of the past and having a different kind of relationship

Then there’s the neighbor dogs too, Harley is the humongous American Bull Dog that lives next door.  when Tito first came around - he had a chip on his shoulder and would growl at Harly just for looking at him.  Wouldn’t phase Harley --he’s just a playful pup in that massive body.  

And Butter is the champagne colored pit that lives on the corner - he is intimidating by look and sound - he knows it too - that’s part of his thing - but what I can’t make Tito understand - is Butter and Harely used to get the extra bacon on Sunday - now they haven’t got a piece since he showed up - Matter fact maybe we should get an extra pack next time and meet in the courtyard for snack time on Tito! Little play date for the D O G s 

Reminder - send invites to Rascal Lee and Ty Castellanos, Lucky, Prairie, Barbie, and Honcho too!  We're gonna need a bigger place and lots of bacon--- gotta have his running partners from Pawadise Pet Sitting - there too.In true Cayo Hueso fashion, little play date turning into a epic block party,people be talking bout for years.  

Everybody likes a good party and it’s all good as long as you take care of yourself  in between.  Tito has 4 simple rules for good health.  sleep, hydrate, stretch, and breathHe gets plenty sleeps, I’m talking stacking naps - And stretches after each one - his downward dog is better than Adrienn’s 

Can I get an  OMs and a namaste to Benji the yoga zen master - (you either with me or not)He drinks water like it taste good - he never passes a water bowl he isn’t getting his face in.He breaths hard too - long after we get back from a walk - he still breathing hard.  I thought maybe something is wrong with him - but no he just likes to get good breaths - so i do it too - You know what they say breathe work is the new mediation.  

Tito stays grounded too.  He’s  loves to roll around in the grass. Really rolling into it - belly to the sun - chin all the way back -

When at all possible I join him - no belly to the sun - though that is a good way to absorb some vitamin E.  No I just kick off the slides and wiggle my toes on the earth - 

Tito eases into moments.  He loves car rides a lot.  When I retire we gonna go on a long one and meet his country cousins.  Until then we do the Key West crawl several times a week- you know around the beach,  up and down Duval.  He sticks his head out the window - but not all at once,  it’s a process - he doesn’t rush into things - he goes slow.  He approaches the window,  edges closer and closer until finally, his whole head is out.  His beard flies in the wind and he squints his eyes like he is high.  He soaks up the breeze nice and easy.  

Tito has his Comfort Zone: He doesn’t have a crate but likes cozy places best- the top landing on the stairs where the light stays dim - or under the desk in my create space - under the bamboo trees at Mabel's or behind the eureka palms at the Charlie and Chappies place.

Timing is everything ---Tito and I were matched right before the pandemic hit the states.  We’d only been together a few weeks when The lockdown was issued and most of my co-workers headed home to work remotely. My friend Brian and I have our own offices so we kept going in.  We had the building to ourselves for months. And since everybody else was away and we were both dog people we brought our BFFs to work.  That extra time Tito and i got to spend together was priceless,  to got to know each other.  He’d lay under my desk while I worked.  Union breaks were spent walking the campus - and learning how to brave stairs and elevators.  I am grateful for that time to be to bond with Tito.  

Tito took a liking to Brian.  But Ava, Uncle Bs baby - not so much.  Ava was Siberian Husky and German Shepherd mix - straight-up girl boss- She scared the big guy -her good looks and strength were intimidating so they stayed in their respective corners - to provide some much-needed comfort to their humans during the most odd times.I was happy to welcome my co-workers back to the office ------but was sad I couldn’t bring Tito anymore. i’d like to get a law passed that dogs in the workplace - are highly encouraged!  can i get an amen - or better yet a signature on the petition?       

When I leave Tito home I promise him, I’ll be back soon,  and we’ll go for a walk so he could p on all the spots.  And Primo he Takes a pee on everything!  I can’t get mad though cause he looks up at me with those Shaman brown eyes like well you take pictures of everything and I P on everything - I guess nows there’s proof we were both there.

When I leave he finds his spot on the couch.  Yep he has a spot on the couch.   Took him a couple months to even relax in the house now he holds it down like he owns the place.  He still likes to chill outside - he can hound dog it for hours on the porch.  He loves evening visits at grandma’s - she’s got bags of treats everywhere.  He’s learned from Charlie to chase balls instead of run from them, he even has his own ChunkIt Stick.  He’s learned from Chappy that humans are mostly awesome. He especially loves the days he gets to go to doggy daycare,  Pawadise Pet Sitting is where all the cool pups hang. 

He keeps caution close though, He doesn’t like mops or brooms.  The vacuum cleaner or any loud noises send him looking for cover.  Makes me curious about what happened to him before he came to the rescue.  I don’t know his story - where he came from, how he was treated, how he got the name Tito, But it doesn’t really matter -I just gave him time - and follow his lead to what he needs and help him create a new story.

Everyone who sees him ask  -”wow what kind of dog is he?” I dont’ really know.  He appears to be wolfhound and schnauzer mix - vet said he might have some English Sheppard too- suggested I do a DNA test to see what breed he is.  That will never happen because I don’t want the government to track him - just in case he is on the run - I don’t want the bad guys to come after him.  And be clear if they did- it’d go down  Queen and Slim style - cause T and I are ride or die. Believe that.

Feb 26th  2021, will make it a year since Tito and I were matched - and I’m grateful every day.  He really is the perfect DOG for me.  

This episode may be coming to a close but the stories and lessons between Tito and I are gonna keep coming.  But one thing at a time ----let’s absorb this list first. 

1. Surround yourself with a variety of beings that bring out all our sides - 

   1. Like Tito with K9 cuzzies

2. Take care of yourself - 

   1. sleep, drink water like it’s delicious, stretch,  and breathe.

3. Stay grounded - 

   1. you can even go belly to the sun like Tito 

4. Slow down a little - - 

   1. ease into the breeze and respect the moment

5. Expand your Comfort zone - It’s ok to have a place that makes you feel safe 

   1. but don’t miss your spot on the couch.

6. Remember stories can be rewritten every day, 

   1. the past is just how you got here.

7. If you thinking of getting a DOG.  

   1. Do it.  Just remember adopt don’t shop

I’ll end this episode the same way I ended the first.  Shout out to all the Pet Rescues around the world  Especially mine and Tito’s favorite - PAWADISE PET rescue for being angels on earth to dogs in need.  We appreciate the work you do to match the right dogs with the right people.   If this story inspired you to #BringJoy how about doing it via a donation or volunteering your time to a reputable shelter in your area. 

This episode is dedicated to Ava Doe, who passed away while we were working on this piece.  Ava, we know you’re running point at the rainbow bridge, and BIG boss moves sending Honcho to take care of your humans.  Looks like everything is gonna be alright.

I am Joy Nulisch and I appreciate you tuning in to my podcast.  My purpose is to #BringJoy into my life and the lives of others.  If you enjoyed this episode, drop a review, share and subscribe because there’s lot’s good stuff on tap You can also follow BringJoy on YouTube or check my website at joynulisch.com.  Now go #BringJoy to the people in your world- until next time…..MuchLove

Grandmother Love

Don’t start dry won't be dry.  That’s what my grandmother said when she handed over the recipe and responsibility of the Thanksgiving dressing to me.  Pretty simple really put enough chicken stock in the beginning it won’t be dry when you serve. She didn’t have a recipe written down either - she made it so many times she trusted her eye and touch - that made it tough to follow but I listened carefully and channeled her hands when I made that first pan and ok I called her a couple of times when I was making it ----it turned out great.  How did I know? There were no leftovers and I got the nod and the wink from Abuela.  Not to mention I’ve been making it every year since.

That’s about 15 pans of dressing but I use that advice every day.  Don’t start dry won’t be dry.  She was literally just telling me to put enough stock -but you know me you know i’m always looking deeper for life lessons --- Wanna finish strong - start strong. In other words -- set your intent and let your actions follow.  But pump the brakes kids we are not going too deep on this one - this is all about grandmothers, and the love they give.

Not just mine, but yours too.  I reached out to my friends via social media and ask them to share somethings about their grandmothers.  A couple hours later my feed was full of the sweetest memories reaffirming that doing an episode on grandmothers would be a crowd pleaser.  It seems grandmothers are kinda like puppies, and babies - everybody loves ‘em. 

Some basics for this piece---As we move through - I might speak in the past and present tense - as some are lost yet others are present.  And for those who contributed your memories are sprinkled throughout so give a good ear and feel free to pause for a smile. I’ll use grandmother when speaking generically.  When I speak of mine it’ll be Boo Boo or Abuela.  

That leads us to the first question? What’s in a name? There are Grandma Nanas, mama, Nanny, granny, MomMom,, Gigi, Mimi, Yiya. Big Mama, Boo Boo and sweet Lous’, and grams, grammamma, maw maw, memaw, Abuela and Oma.  Whatever you call them they are all pronounced with love. The consensus is the first grandchild gets the naming rights.  The process isn’t that complicated - in fact the name is determined by what the first can pronounce - simple as that.  For example mine was supposed to be Boo Mama - but my sister, the oldest grandchild would only say Boo Boo and it stuck.  When I say stuck I mean stuck -I remember the first time I heard my grandmother called by her first name - I was a little kid - I asked her why are they calling you Jeanne?  She said that’s my name.  Hmm mm.  I was like ok I’m pretty sure it’s Boo Boo but I’m not going to argue.  

Yvette called her grandmother YiYa -and this takes us back to the cooking and into the kitchen.  That’s where a lot of the memories shared took place.  Seems that our grandmother’s showed loved through the belly bone.  Besides keeping the fridge stocked with sodas and great snacks.  They were awesome cooks - serving up Italian dishes like eggplant parmesan or sausage and peppers, or American classics roast beef and fried chicken, Y Cuban tambien - Black beans, Piccadillo, Mollettes.  tienes hombre?

They had sweet tooth’s and loved to bake.  They let us help mix the ingredients for the snicker doodle and hazelnut almond cookies.  We still giggle thinking of squishing the cuban bread in the milk with our hands for the bread pudding.  And waiting patiently for the golden cornbread to be pulled from the oven - too soon it’d wiggle and too late it crumble.

They showed more love by how they made even the simple things special.  Like blending the orange juice to make it fancy - serving the guava nectar in your favorite glass, cutting the mango in perfect bite size pieces or blowing on the hot soup and buttering your crackers. 

If you look at their recipes you’ll note love was in the ingredients and the directions.

It wasn’t just the good food served up at the kitchen table that stirred up memories - it was the tea parties with the good china, card games, rounds of dominoes and cutting coupons from the Sunday paper.  It’s where we learned a lot about them through the stories they told.

Like the time Abuela was in a parade and caught the eye of a young man in the crowd- they got married - and now he’s your Abuelo.  That story about grand going into labor and running out of gas on the way to deliver your mother.  Or the one Boo told about standing on Main street in downtown Dallas when the motorcade escorting JFK passed by.  Those stories brought tears to their eyes every time they were told.

It was hearing stories like those that reminded us they were even more than grandmothers - 

They were wives, mothers, sisters, and aunts. They had careers  As writers,artists, and secretaries. They worked hard as cooks and housekeepers - for others and their own.

They survived wars, and diseases. They stood with signs for the cause of their times. They experienced heartbreak and disappointment. They navigated through depressions and 

Some were immigrants who escaped communist oppression. Those wrinkles were earned and told stories without words. Maybe it’s why when they hugged us they held on so tight--- they were soaking up some of our innocents.

Those titles and stories were important part of who they were but 10 out 10 times the’d all agree being a grandmother and making memories with their grand-kids was most important.

Doing this episode there was one mystery I wanted to solve. Do grandmothers love each grand-kid the same or do they have a favorite? See I have two sisters and two cousins we all had a special relationship with Boo Boo - I’ll agree to  that but I was her favorite right? And it’s not just me- Scott shared a similar and sentimental story. He was one of 6 grand-kids but was convinced he was his grandma’s favorite - on the day of her memorial service he realized the other grand-kids thought the same thing. 

When he asked his mom about it she said “your grandmother made everyone feel that way.”   

I reached out to my friend Clara who is a grandmother of 6 herself - and asked her to tell Me the truth, Do you really love them all the Same or do you have a favorite? This is what she said “Truly my favorite is the one standing in front of me - the one I’m spending time with at the moment.” 

We cherish the time we spend with our grandmothers  --- Summers at the lake learning to swim and fish.  Or on the farm learning to churn butter, milk cows and snap peas.   We love to spend the night with them on the weekends.  The rules were different when we were with them.  They let us watch scary movies and stay up late.  We at cake for dinner and ice cream for breakfast.  They let us play in the hose and taught us how to catch the sun with a spray to make a rainbow appear in the sky.  They taught us how to ride our bikes and crochet and sew.  

They let us listen to our music in the cars, even though it gave them a headache. And if you were riding with sweet Lou you better hang on tight - she’d push the long Lincoln to 70 with a cigarette hanging from her lip.  Then there was Vicki’s Abuela who slowed it down to bike speed.  She’d peddled around old town Key West every night after work.  Waving to everybody on their porch.

My sister, Jeanne is going to be a grandmother soon.  I’ve never seen her quite this happy.

This knee popping kinda happy like she can’t hardly keep her feet on the ground. 

I’m not surprised at her excitement - she’s been filling up this craft drawer for years in anticipation of a grand-kid..  I asked her what was in there---- crayons, construction paper, paints, glitter, pipe cleaners, clothes pins, fabric, glue sticks, 

She’s planning on making  books with him and teaching him how to write letters to his grandmothers like she did with hers. 

She said She’s looking forward to holding the baby’s  hand and having his little fingers wrapped tightly around hers.  Which reminded me...I had asked Clara if she kept pinky secrets with her grandkids - she said “of course,  but never for things that could harm them. “ 

Clara went on to tell me why a grandmother’s love is different.

 “It’s love unburdened cause you don’t have the total responsibility of raising them.  Let me be free to be myself, maybe more childlike.  Let me love in a new different way than I did as a parent but with the same intensity. 

Jeanne agrees - grandmother’s can  slow down and enjoy the  grandchild in a way mothers can’t because they have so much going on.  “

I may be partial here but I think she is going to be a wonderful grandmother - or BooMama or Boo or whatever the baby names her.

Side note ---in case your head is calculating the relations --my sister being a grandmother means my Pal is having a baby so that’s going to make me a great aunt - and that’s no word play - cause I’m legit a great aunt.

But back to the grandmother chronicles. I’ve got some characters to tell you about.

Kristen’s Grandma Vicki -loves to enter sweepstakes -She’s wins too - she won trips to Vegas, cars, TV’s - even a 6ft tall stuffed dragon but the best prize ever was a year supply of frosted flakes.  At 92 Grandma Lucky has no intent of slowing down - she learned to use the computer so she can enter more contest

Dolly Dagger was the name Dani’s MomMom was given for being a tough no trifling Italian power house at 5 ft tall she could cuss you in English,  Italian or both if necessary but most times she was full of love and grace.  

Seemed many were sports fans.  Dori’s Grams was the most loyal fan of the Kentucky Wildcats.  She never missed a game.  Her radio was preset to the CATS channel and she tuned in from tip-off to the final buzzer.

Jennifer’s Abuela was a legendary fan at the Key West High Conch baseball games.  She sat in the front row to make sure the umpire called fair game - for the boys in crimson and grey.

How about a little serendipity ---Ruth’s two grandmother’s lived right next door to each other.  They shared a garden ----and a name -that’s right they were both named Ruth. Which was also the name of my step grandmother - who I called Nanny.  

Technically, we all had two - one for each parent right  - but many had more - with additions of  steps, greats, or adopted grandmother’s - you the one’s that are of no blood relation but close family ties so take you under their wing and love you like their own. Some of us were lucky enough to have our grandmothers around most of our lives, Tiffany’s grandmama  lived to be 100.  

Ever Onward is how Mary’s Grams would sign off all her notes and letters. Her family still uses that phrase today.  Boo Boo would seal ours with a red lipstick kiss.  It was in those notes and letters that my sister’s and I stayed bonded with our sweet Boo between visits, as we weren’t lucky enough to live in the same place.  We were pen-pals from the time we were kids until she passed.  The proof is in the stacks of letters I still treasure today - from the note she wrote my mother when I was born saying she couldn’t wait to meet me - to one of the last where she wrote I  hope to get to Key West one more time.  It was writing those letters that I learned to write - but it was in reading hers that I learned to write with love.  

Here’s one she wrote me after One of her visits I was around 6 or 7 years old as you’ll hear in the simple flow of the lyric. 

Dear Joy,

Did you know I miss you? I truly do.  It seems like just yesterday you were sitting next to me at the dining table with a grin on your face.  When I think of you, I always think of you smiling.

Guess you smile a lot , right? I’d like to be on the beach with you today. Watching seagulls diving our way, 

Sharing a snow-cone, flavored with peach, building sand castles on the beach.

I’d like to watch as you race to a palm tree, and stand there waiting for me 

I’d like to walk along the windy boulevard or just sit with you in the yard. I’d like to go downtown and hang around

These are the things I’d like to do. If you had me and I had you. Love Boo

And that love was the purest love -----that  unconditional love that makes our relationship with our grandmothers so uniquely special - They love us with no judgement, just how we are----- be it sweet, salty, gay straight, talented, boring, behaved or mischievous.  They think we’re perfect being just who we are.  

It’s why when we lose them we know we’ll never be loved the same but because they loved us like they did that they always feel near.   

We all agree Grandmother’s are our families greatest treasure and why we closely guard what they leave behind. For some it’s houses, even farms, cars, or furniture .  And there’s small items that we can hold in our hands like photos, jewelry, ornaments, dolls or those embroidered handkerchiefs.  We hold them close to our face to feel them against our skin and soak up the smell of the perfumed powder- Is it possible the smell still lingers on the items or do they accompany the memories that are ingrained in our fibers?

I assumed everyone had memories of their grandmothers but learned that wasn’t the case.  Some passed away before we could make memories.  I would like to dedicate this episode to the listeners who missed out on their grandmother’s love .  I hope hearing these stories made your heart feel warm - if it did then - that’s a grandmother’s love coming through to you.  Thanks to everyone who contributed by sharing sweet memories with me - I hope you caught the nod to your grandmother.

Our grandmothers were strong, beautiful, caring, wise and clever women.   Who loved, nurtured and some cases helped raise us.  We appreciate their advise and the lessons.  We cherish and honor them in who we are.  

If we want to BringJoy to the world let’s set our intent on loving unconditionally like grandmothers do,  OMG - Oh My what a world it could be.  If this episode made you smile and feel the love call your grandmother on earth or heaven and tell her you're doing OK and she BringsJoy to your world.  Much love…

Hate Never Solved One Problem.

Baldwin wrote “History is not the past,”  “It is the present. We carry our history with us. We are our history.” 

There’s a revolution against racism occurring in the streets, in living rooms, in parks, in offices -  We are showing up in volumes never witnessed, to stand in solidarity,  to take action, and to support the black community to write a new history.  

I started writing this episode on Sunday May 31st, 2020. I wrote, how can I BringJoy to a world full of bigotry and hate.  That’s it - that’ all I wrote that day.

You see the day before was the first and only time I watched the video of George Floyd, a black man being murdered by a white man with a badge on a street corner in America. 

The words wouldn’t form to  pass the visions in my head of what I had witnessed in that video. I was disturbed beyond words and for writers more experienced than me that may have been the perfect time to sit and write but I choose to walk away from the page and let the question sit unattended.

(To hear the powerful voice of Jackie Williams tune in to https://www.buzzsprout.com/939100/4241606)

The next day my Pal and I joined a few hundred others in our community to march  around the streets of Key West to demonstrate that Black Lives Matter.  The cadence was slow and solemn at times and fast and furious at others.  The rhythmic chants of  George Floyd, I can’t breath,  no Justice no peace would ring in my ears for the days to follow

Over the next weeks I spent much time in reflection - asking myself questions to help me understand my privilege as a white woman in America.  “The hope of the world lies in what one demands, not of others but of oneself” James Baldwin

My white listeners should ask yourself some of the same questions.

• What does it mean to be white?

• How do you use your privilege?

• How Diverse is your world? 

  • Who do you read? What do you watch?  Who do you listen to?

• How many faces of color do you see when you look around? 

  • And PSA if you say I don’t see color.  Your work starts right there.

• Do you know of the black owned businesses in your area?

• Do you know how many teachers of color are in your public schools?

• Do you know the history of your cities law enforcement agencies toward racial justice

I’ve spent time in action writing legislators, correcting language, and following the timeline of events that capture the violent history of racism in America.  I learned of the massacres in Tulsa and Rosewood. 

Mostly I’ve been  listening.  Listening to the words of spiritual leaders like Michael Beckwith, influencers like Light Watkins, listening to teachers like Michelle Johsnon, listening to the words of the protestors and authors like Kimberly Jones, the words of my friends, specifically my black friends  who I’ve reached out to offer love and support- my friend, Jackie Williams  told me the world needs to heal right now and offered her voice for my podcast.  - It’s her voice that’s lifting this episode and her hope that the songs she sings will help us heal.

(To hear the powerful voice of Jackie Williams tune in to https://www.buzzsprout.com/939100/4241606)

I believe healing will do us good - as long as we heal to be strong for the work that is ahead.  Because there is much to do to end racism.  It will take many days and nights, many episodes and conversations, plenty of protest and all the right votes to break the links of oppressive systems.  

Like activist Killer Mike said it’s “time to  strategize, organize, and mobilize.”  

The purpose of protest is a call for change in power and policy.  Since the death of George Floyd there have been protests in at least 140 cities in this country and many others around the world.  Our voices are being heard ------power and policy are being corrected. 

• Minneapolis banned Choke holds.

• Dallas adopts a "duty to intervene" rule that requires officers to stop other cops who are engaging in inappropriate use of force.

• New Jersey’s attorney general said the state will update its use-of-force guidelines for the first time in two decades.

• In Maryland, a bipartisan work group of state lawmakers announced a police reform work group.

• Los Angeles City Council introduces motion to reduce LAPD’s $1.8 billion operating budget.

• Police brutality captured on cameras leads to near-immediate suspensions and firings of officers in several cities (i.e., Buffalo, Ft. Lauderdale).

• The Louisville, Kentucky, metro council unanimously voted to pass an ordinance called "Breonna's Law" on Thursday, banning no-knock search warrants in wake of Breonna Taylor's death.

The fact that the script for this episode sat incomplete for weeks wasn’t because I didn't have anything to say about racism.  On the contrary I have much to say and share.   Not only from me, but from my friends of color  whose stories go untold. From my people who are wise on the subject of systemic racism.  I want to share the words spoken by activists of the past whose work is undone.  I’ll share the message of today’s freedom fighters like Patrisse Cullors. One episode will not be enough -to tell this story. 

How do we #Bringjoy to a world full of bigotry and hate - Start by knowing better.  Maya Angelou said when you know better you do better.  The world isn’t full of those evils. It’s full of people.  Who can learn and choose to live in love. Ms. Maya also said “Hate has caused a lot of problems in this world, but it has not solved one yet.”  There’s much grace, dignity, courage and resolve in this world and - the black community has been demonstrating these qualities for centuries. It’s time the rest of us take notice...  Much Love

What if and Remember Whens...

Inspired by Pandemic 2020

Seems like lately I got more questions than answers and if you know a virgo like me you know that’s an uncomfortable place to be.  My coach keeps reminding me--- when you are uncomfortable you are growing so there’s that and I know I’m not alone- this Pandemic Of 2020 has us all asking questions and living differently.

Big questions like what’s my purpose And what’s that magic dust the pizza man sprinkle on the crust to make it so good?

Now we punching the clock from home and the Happy Hours coin flip isn’t for your favorite bar but which virtual platform will host.  That's where the concept for this episode was crafted.  Me and my nephew have been shooting the breeze and sipping cocktails virtually for the last several weeks.  Our conversation probably go like most of yours - we try to stay clear of the heavy stuff but eventually the elephant finds its way in the room and questions start flowing some end in Rhyme so with reason.

What if is the question that started this session,

What if slowing down didn’t cost us progression?

What if I held on a little longer when I got that last hug, Would I be so tethered to everything with a plug?

What if essential workers remained admired, And what if the impossible became required?

Remember In January nobody was thinking of quarantine and rations now we talking about social distancing and face masks being the latest fashion.

What if it stayed quiet So we could still hear the blue jay, cardinal and that mockingbird sing?

What if we agree to get a vaccine ,Will you still think health care for all, is so obscene?

What if all the candy we been eating had no calories, and the unemployment system gave the people double their salaries?

What if we remember those deaths aren’t just about the numbers, Cause yesterday they was somebody’s sisters and brothers?

What if Jack was wrong and we could handle the truth, Then maybe telling it wouldn’t be a crime.

What if my people who believe in the theories are right and the truths are revealed in a future documentary series?

Remember when everybody talking about game of thrones, Now we worried if we in the containment zone.

What if Duval Street had a few less bars and the 4 0 5  had a few less cars?

What if all the days moved this slow, And all musicians had Leon Bridges flow?

What if dogs could talk would we let them lead every walk?

Remember when you ate in restaurants, now you having reservations about booking a table.

What if the fear wasn’t exaggerated, then my pension wouldn’t be evaporated.

What if soap and water washed away bigotry, Would you be washing your hands so vigorously?

What if, just, once in a while, right and left reached across the aisle?

Remember when seniors looked forward to graduations and visitations, Now we can’t gather in packs or be closer than 6 feet or we in violation.

What if we stopped letting differences pull us apart, And give kindness a chance to keep us together?

What if we leveled the playing field, instead of ignoring the inequities?

What if  all animals were treated humanely and all food was grown organically?

Remember when the lead story was fences on the borders, Now they interviewing toilet paper hoarders.

What if we respected each other’s opinions, but remember just cause you have one - (on every subject) doesn’t mean you’re an expert on -------------------------------any. 

What if the Madness in March was only about the bracket, And the next time you meet Zoom they don’t try to hack it? 

Remember when you protested plastic straws, Now you sleeping when they drafting up new laws.

What if Key West closed the docks to the bigs ships, And trusted the locals to leave bigger tips?

What if the FAA maintained fewer flights, would the sky stay blue and so bright?

Remember when you liked to to the grocery store, Now you rather get em delivered to the door.

What if we agree to a hard stop on saying a new normal, And let the creatives design a fresh space less formal?

What if when this is over, you still check on your neighbor and his dog Rover?

What if the Tuesday night trivia went all year, Cuzzies from the Southernmost to Long Island be there?

Remember when you had to dress for church, Now you find religion in a Google search.

What if we say goodbye to those old institutions, No doubt this is the time for a spiritual evolution.

What if we replace zombie with enlightened when labeling the next generation?

What if finding solutions became the new revolution, and intelligence was measured by the depth of the questions not the memorized answers.

Remember when you laid on the couch and watched the late night host, Now their living room is their broadcast post.

What if we could turn on the news and believe the sources, and all kids could get online to receive their courses?

What if nurses and teacher were superheroes on the big screen, that be a marvel I’d pay to see.

What if the hot actress loved the IT geek?  Now that’d be a dynamic connection.

Remember when you high fived in the stands, Now you walking around with gloves on your hands.

What if you never skipped putting your feet in the grass, And promised to only let the earth ground you.

What if tomorrow were just a little better than yesterday, Because you stayed present today?

What if you let go of the could’ve would’ve should’ve that been holding you down, And brace yourself for the abundance that’s headed inbound.

All these what ifs and remember whens had me struggling to find the end to this piece so I went back to the beginning. I was seeking comfort in the answers. But Now I can appreciate that sometimes the most important thing is the question. There’s more growth in the unanswered anyway.  So I’ll take comfort in knowing I’m growing.

I hope everyone listening is doing well and remember you’re not alone.  We’re all sharing this uncommon experience.  If these questions sparked your curiosity consider it a hug from me.  You can return the favor by calling someone you love and tell them they #BringJoy to your world.

Showing Up

I got a story to share with you about my relationship with a man named Jim.  He started out as my boss and ended up being my mentor and a treasured friend.  The lessons I learned from him have served me well through life's ups and downs.   Listen up and you’ll learn why I choose now to share them and challenge you to show up like Jim showed up for me. 

I went to work for Jim almost 30 years ago.  I was in my early 20s.  It was a part-time gig- the 4 months during tax season - he and his wife own and operate a tax preparation service.  I’d work evenings during the week and a full day on Saturdays and sometimes on Sunday, for at least 10 years.  I stopped counting. 

I did the data entry that turned a paper tax return into an electronic file submission to the IRS so that clients could receive their refunds sooner.  The computer was set up in a corner in Jim’s office.  So we’d talk.  Well mostly he talked and I’d listen.  He would come up with these random commentaries about everything you can imagine, and heavy in the life lessons category. 

You know responsibility, working hard, saving money, retirement, traveling, education, integrity, saving money - did I say that already?  

Saving money was big for him, and I wish I’d followed that advice better.

The first season I worked there I’d wondered why the hell this man wanted to tell me all this stuff.   And if I’m being honest ½ the time I didn’t want to hear it.  I mean he was talking to me about retirement and I’m 20 something that’s the last thing I’m thinking of - spending 30 years working at the same place.  Not me. He thought more about my future than I did.  

I’d rather we talk baseball.  He loved baseball like I loved baseball.  We’d learn that about each other when I asked him about a picture on his desk. It was of him at Camden Yards. You know the park where the Orioles play.  I told him Boog Powell who played 1st base for the Orioles for 13 years, was from Key West just like me. 

He already knew that and teased me that Boog just sold BBQ now. 

I didn’t need to tell him Boog was a 4-time all-star, league MVP and was a world series champ - 2 times.  Cause he knew that, he also knew his slugging percentage.

That’s the thing about Jim. He knew lots about lots so be careful what you asked him. Cause he’d cover it front back and inside out. 

When I talked about baseball I wanted to talk about standings, stats and the series.  Especially predict who would make it to the series.  As if it’s too early to figure it out in Spring. That’s baseball talk.  Not for Jim though, he’d want to talk about the absurd contracts, corrupt owners and steroids.  He’d rather we predict which one of those would be the demise of the game. 

I’d say come on Jim - don’t ruin it for me.  I mean I was young- I hadn’t figured out that the world, even the sports world was ruled by money.  

But that’s the thing about being a mentor - The mentor knows what the mentee doesn’t know yet. He wasn’t trying to ruin it for me - he just figured I needed to know and it might be easier to take if it came from him.

I don’t know if it was baseball or what but Jim and I hit it off.  It seems like Jim was always looking out for me.  During those days - I didn’t have a car. I walked or rode my bike everywhere.  If it was raining, he’d show up to give me a ride.  I wouldn’t even have to call him. He’d just be outside my house waiting. All comfortable in the 700i series BMW he rolled in.  Jim had all the good stuff - nice shoes, nice watch, nice clothes -the stuff that impressed but he never mentioned any of it or apologized for it either - I noticed all those details.

When everyone ordered take out, he’d take care of mine on the DL. 

He’d tell me don’t spend the money you earn before you even get a check. And don’t ever put anything on a credit card you won’t have when the bill comes. Good one right? 

I’d soak up Whatever he had to tell me. I guess he knew it cause he’d kept it coming.

He’d tell me the more I knew the more interesting parties would because I’d be able to talk to anyone. I thought that was funny cause nobody talked at the parties I was going to. Now I’d take a date with good conversation over a dope party any day.

The walls in his office were covered with maps with pins marking the places he’d traveled.  He had framed photos of him and his wife Mrs. Lou, standing in front of the most well-known sites in the world. From the great wall of China to the Opera house in Australia.  They’d seen it all.  When he’d catch me admiring the pics - he’d say save your money and when you retire you can travel wherever you want. 

He’d say things and ask questions like he was planting seeds.

He’d tell me I was smart.

Every week he’d ask me if I was in charge yet, (referring to my full time) It took me a while to figure out that every time he asked, it was a reminder for me to position myself for the future. 

I be honest it made me feel good to know he thought I could be the boss one day.  Every night when we locked up he’d say I enjoyed talking with you.  Like it wasn’t about the work but the conversations we were having.  That was cool.

When tax season was over I’d be glad to have a break but I’d looked forward to tax season rolling around again so Jim and I could spend time. And he paid well too.   As I got a little older I was more interested in the topics of conversations, even retirement.  

Eventually, though I was earning enough at my full time that I was able to drop the part-time job.  

Jim and I’d still talk every couple of months and we’d meet up during baseball season to catch the high school team play ball.  He reminded me that he didn’t watch the major leagues anymore cause just like he predicted steroids ruined the game.  I think he said it’d be the corrupt owners but I didn’t argue the point.

As the years passed we’d see each other less often once or twice during tax season when I’d go in to have my own return prepared.

We’d talk about what we’d been up to, current events, etc… He’d always ask if I was saving money.  Have I traveled anywhere?   If I was in charge yet.  And he’d close with I enjoyed talking with you.  

When my partner of 15 years died, Jim showed up for me.  After the memorial service  Jim came to me and offered a hug which I gladly accepted.  All the years we knew each other I believe that was the first time we’d hugged.  He told me go to work Monday and that'd he’d call me in that evening to see how it went.  I thought that was kind of random but that was Jim.

Monday morning rolled around and I went to work.  And like he said he said he would, he called me that night and asked how it went.  

I told him I showed up.  Told him I couldn’t concentrate and I didn’t get any work done.  

He said you didn’t need to show up to work - you needed to show up for yourself.  Go back tomorrow.

That was 16 years ago - I’ve gotten through a lot of Mondays and other challenging times since then that I might not have - had I not learned how to show up for myself on that first Monday. 

Brene Brown says The willingness to show up----changes us.  It makes us braver each time.”  Jim knew this

Over the years Jim and I didn’t see each other often enough.  We did speak on the phone from time to time.  When I decided to go back to college to finish my degree - I called him.  I told him I didn't know if it was worth the investment.  He told me the degree might not be - but the education was priceless.  He was the first one I called when I submitted my final paper to complete my credits.  He said he was really proud I’d made the decision to invest in myself.

He’d still ask if I was saving money or making plans to travel.  He’d ask if I was in charge yet.  I was proud the time I could answer yes to that question.  He was too.  He said I knew you would be one day.  Now you can buy me lunch.  

In more recent years he’d ask if I was happy?  And like clockwork  he’d end the call the same way.  I enjoyed talking with you.

Jim and I spoke about 1 month ago.  He’d been sick but was feeling better and was expecting to make a full recovery.  The CoronaVirus was already hovering over the world so we knew we couldn’t see each other soon but when we could, we’d agreed we’d do lunch.  I told him I’d pay, cause I’ve been saving my money.  We both laughed.  I wanted to tell him about my plans after retirement which is just around the corner. How I’m launching a podcast and producing positive content.  I was going to tell him I finally got a passport and was heading to Amsterdam this summer.  But he sounded tired so I figured I’d wait and tell him everything over lunch.  Before he could say it ---- I told him I enjoyed talking with him.  Cause I did.

I received the sad news a few days ago that Jim had passed away.  

Saying farewell to my mentor, made me think about my own mentee.  Nataly, a 16-year-old high school sophomore that I’ve been mentoring for 4 years as part of the Take Stock In Children program. 

My role as her mentor is to offer support, guidance, and encouragement. 

Just like Jim did for me for so many years.

For one hour, once a week we meet at her school and talk.  

I come up with these random commentaries about asking good questions and advocating for herself.  

She plans to be an attorney.  I tell her to imagine herself in the corner office. The one that says BOSS on the door.  

I tell her I’ll come to visit and she can treat me to a fancy lunch.

I ask her if she is saving her money.  She has a part-time job and it’s never too soon to start saving.

I ask her if she turned in the essay to travel abroad in the summer.  She is a great writer and shouldn’t wait to travel.

I ask her what’s made her happy this week.  She always laughs and tells me a story of some silliness she and her friends get into.

She doesn’t like baseball - she likes boys and reading books- so we talk about that too. Probably not enough for her --- so next time we meet - I’ll make sure to save more time for boys and books ------ and I’ll close like I always do with I enjoyed talking with you.  

Because I do.

The words mentor and mentee sound so impersonal.  Those words are just labels anyway.  Labels change as relationships grow which reminds me of a quote I read that describes the relationship between a mentor and mentee just right ---Learning from someone who wants to see you grow.  I figured out early on that’s what Jim wanted for me.  That’s why he’d show up for me - over and over again.

And that’s what this story is really about -----showing up for someone, including yourself.  The way you are there for them in your actions will determine how you show up for them in their memories when they hear your name.  Let that sizzle in your spirit. 

I learned lessons from Jim, work hard, save your money so you can retire and travel the world. There’s more in the story - listen again and see if you recognize themt.  The most important one is to show up for yourself and others.

I’d like to ask you a few questions.  Listen carefully and give the answers time to come to you.  Remember you can hit the pause button while you think. 

1. Who are you showing up for?

   1. *hint YOU should be the first on the list **I learned that from Jim

2. How are you showing up for them?

3. Who shows up for you?

4. Have you told them what it means to you?

This episode is dedicated to Jim Ferris. A dear soul who showed up for me consistently over the years.  It’s dedicated to all my people who show up for me and others on the regular.  I hope this

story inspires you to #BringJoy by showing up and planting seeds of support, guidance, and encouragement. for yourself and others to grow through.

I am Joy Nulisch and I appreciate you tuning in to my podcast.  My purpose is to #BringJoy into my life and the lives of others.  If you enjoyed this episode like and subscribe because there is lots of good stuff on tap.  You can also follow BringJoy on YouTube or check my website at joynulisch.com. Now go #BringJoy to the people in your world- until next time…..MuchLove

Brene Brown: “The willingness to show up changes us, It makes us a little braver each time.”― Brené Brown, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead

Take Stock in Children https://www.takestockinchildren.org/home/become-a-mentor

Grief: https://www.apa.org/topics/grief